My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
