Porn is love you can see.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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