Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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