Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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