Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
