The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
