so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
