her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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