I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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