I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
