I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
