Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
