he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
