my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
