I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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