And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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