East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
