thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
