I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
