he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
