Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is my gift to your gina
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
