Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
