Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
