You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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