even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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