I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
