Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
