his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
