Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
