First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
