My Higher Power is John Stamos
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
