I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
