he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
