I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
