You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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