I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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