watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
