Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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