Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
