that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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