You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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