I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
