She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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