he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
