I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
