Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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