Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
