I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
