I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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