Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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