Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
