READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
