So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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