i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
