i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
