i permit you to call me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
