Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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