non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
