It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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