yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i think my tv is drunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
