I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
