i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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