In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
