There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
