I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
