i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
