i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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