zippers are such a cool invention
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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