You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize