It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
