so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
