he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
