This is not my ceiling
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
