just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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